Tay stretches out, raising his strong arms over his head, palms up to the sun that’s light glitters off his hair to make it glow. He closes his eyes and his face bunches up in tension and releases into a smile. He blinks his clear blue eyes in the sun light and looks around. I shake my head. Gotta stop staring.

Walker hands him the fishing poles, Ike and I pick up the huge picnic basket, Zac and Jess take down the life jackets. The boat has an in board motor and it’s just big enough for the eleven of us. It’s a party boat, but it’s nice.

Shrieking laughter peels from the shore as Ike and I carry the big, and heavy, food hamper onto the deck. Looking over I see Talyor with his arms around his littlest sister, Zoe screaming and laughing, trying to fight her way free. Diana is standing behind him with a look of sad happiness. I bet I know what she’s thinking. Avery walks up to Tay and starts to tickle him. He has to let Zoe go to defend himself. They roll into a giggling ball on the grass. Diana laughs and walks into the boat.

Zac climbs on and picks up Zoe, Mackie’s bottom half is pushed up the steps by Taylor, followed by Jess and Avery, who are chattering incessantly. A.J. reeves the engine and pulls the boat away from the dock.

We sail out to mid-waters, and A.J. casts his pole, and Diana pretends to drop a screaming Mackie overboard. Jessica laughs at her scared little brother.

“You know Mama would never drop you!” she points out. Mackie’s response is a stuck out tongue.

Zac puts a worm on the hook of a pole and casts if over board, almost getting the squirming bate caught in Taylor’s hair. Ech. Avery sits looking down at the sparkling clear water.

“I wish we were at the ocean.” she comments wistfully, “cos then the water would be blue instead.”

A.J. smiles, and Walker just stretches in his seat. I look over at her and nod. I love the color of the sea, the salt and the breeze, and the shells. I just sigh and let my fingers dangle into the water. Zac catches two fish, Ike catches one, about the size of Zac’s put together. Zac hits Tay with a limp fish. And I thought I had an odd and sadistic family. Now I know why I feel right at home.

Tay stares up at the sky, it almost matches the bright, piercing but gentle color of his eyes. He closes his eyes to the sun light. Diana picks up a sandwich bag.

“Tay I think this one is yours!” she throws him a ham, cheese, lettuce, tomato, mayonaise sandwich. Zac reaches for his classic peanut butter and jelly, Ike takes a big bite out of his BLT, and Jessie throws me a ham, cheese, lettuce, no tomato (ech), mayo, and mustard sandwich. Walker drinks a beer with A.J., guys.

Zac passes out the soda, grape for the girls, diet Dr. Pepper for him and Ike, a rootbeer for me and Taylor, and a birchbeer for mom. After lunch we head back in to shore. Everyone hops out and A.J. ties up the boat.

Zac runs over to an over turned red canoe, and pushes it over, dusting off the paddles.

He turns to his uncle, “can I go out in the canoe?”

A.J. nods, “takes someone with you though.”

I walk up, “I’m coming.”

Zac just grins that cute, goofy grin I don’t think that he will ever grow out of.

Once in the canoe and off the shore, we head of a patch of waterlilies.

They are my favorite flowers, but hard to find and hard to get. That just may be why. That and they are beautiful and smell wonderful, and they aren’t everyday flowers, like roses.

Without tipping the canoe, miraculously, we end up with about sixteen flowers. And, with the “skill” I got as a camp goer, I braid them into a crown. It sits tightly around my hair, enough so it won’t fall off, and loose enough so that it won’t break. Zac looks at it.

“You look like a fairy or something.” he mutters.

“Is that good, bad, indifferent?” you never can tell with him.

“I guess it’s good, you look like some girl out of a fairy tale book, um...except for the outfit.”

I nod, the life jacket just doesn’t go. I make a necklace for him as well, and slip it around his neck. A year ago...no, a week ago, actually any other time, he would have said it was girly or it just wasn’t his style. But I think that being out the middle of a lake picking water lilies with one of your closest friends of the opposite sex can take that kind of fight out of you. Damnit.

We row around talking for a little while. Zac can be romantic, very actually. So can I but nobody’s supposed to know, and I plan on keeping it that way. The romance stuff just seems too fake to me. Not all the time, and not with everyone, but in the times where I let myself drown in it, it took the place of everything real the relationship needed. And then what I was left drowning in was nothing but self pity, that wasn’t going to happen again.

Zac’s shoulders ripple with the effort of rowing, I steer carefully into a small cove. Zac jumps out, exclaiming on the high rocky walls and sandy floors of the open cavern.

We explore the back of the cave, it only goes back about ten yards, and shells litter the rough shelves of stone. Zac picks one up and turns it over in his hand.

“This looks like our place.” he comments.

“What...what place, Zac?” okay I’m clueless.

“There’s a waterfall, it’s pretty small and probably not on a map. It’s behind our house about a quarter mile. There’s a cave, almost like this one, behind the falls. It goes back farther but the ceiling isn’t this high, it’s only about seven feet. Dad bought us water proof bags so we can bring clothes up there. Back into the cave it’s dry, and we’ve built fires and gotten sleeping bags up there. That’s where we stay when we want to be alone and the tree house just isn’t far enough. Or sometimes we’ll sit up there and talk, you know that brotherly bonding or whatever the hell it is.”

Wow. I didn’t expect for anyone to tell me about that, but now I wanted to see it. Natural beauty is one of the only kinds I’m actually impressed by, and that sounded beautiful. I doubted I’d ever get to see it, it sounds like a very personal place. I had my own at home, deep into the woods. There was a maple tree right off the path that my father had planted for me. There was a small path leading to it, though the path was only a yard or so long it was no more than a deer path and not there at all unless you knew it. Two yards from the tree was cleared in a circle. I read there in the summer and hid there when I was angry. The waterfall sounded so much cozier, so much more peaceful then a small place in the woods, but it was my hiding place just the same.

So all I do is nod in wonder. He walks over to the boat, smiles his cunning smile and starts to push off. I barely have the time to jump in before it starts to roll out onto the lake. Once safe in my seat, I reach up the front of the boat and smack him.

“You little shit head.” of course, he just laughs.

It’s about five in the afternoon already, and the family has packed to go. We turn the canoe over and shower thank you’s on Uncle A.J. The whole family squeezes into the car and we take the half hour drive home. Half way there I finished The Killing Dance. Out of nothing else to do, I start to day dream.

Somewhere in the middle of a long kiss, I am shaken back to reality. Zac smiles down and me and states, “we’re home!”

The lily crown is still in my hand, as a step out of the car a smile comes across my tired face when I see Zac’s still wearing his. Everyone helps unpack, and Walker starts to put the finishing touches on the garage. Some of the boys’ great drawings have been slightly painted over, but they have already set to restoring them. Zac takes out his markers and sets to it, while Jess helps Diana put things away, Avery settles in on the computer and Ike picks up his guitar and strums out some thoughtful melody. Tay walks through the kitchen where I sit reading the next book in the series, Burnt Offerings. I love these books...

He reaches for the phone and his mother frowns at him. “Five minutes home and you’re already reaching for that thing? why don’t you go out and find Rick or spend some time with your family?” she interrogates him.

He just shrugs and moves his hand from the phone. Then, after a moment of thinking, picks it up. Diana watches him out of the corner of her eye. Tay dials numbers and from here I can’t see what they are. Drat.

The phone rings and he rolls his eyes. His expression changes as someone picks up.

“Hey Rick, how are ya? yeah I just got back from the lake. Cool! okay, hey listen do you want to come over and watch a movie or play soccer or something? Really? awesome! alright, hold on I’ll ask.”

Turning to Diana, “Hey mom, Rick’s got the new Dream Cast and four games he’s trying out. Can I go over?”

She smiles, “oh fine sure, we got you all day. Might was well give Rick a chance.”

From the phone: “thanks Mrs. Hanson!!”

To the phone: “don’t call me that!”

Rick: “sorry mom!!”

Tay laughs, hangs up, grabs his coat from the rack near the door and runs out.

I turn to Diana, “Is it just me or does he seem a lot happier?”

“I think he’s in a good mood today,” she nods, winks, and goes back to the dishes and I go back to my book. But the words of this not lasting echo in my head and I can almost here the freaking Jeopardy music.

I spend the rest of the night reading, until dinner, and then I watch cartoons with Avery, Zoe, and Mackie. Tay comes home around nine and is tripped by Zac as he walks in the door.

Avery yawns, and heads up to bed, Jessie hangs up with her boyfriend, Aaron, and follows her sister. The shower is running and I think it’s Ike. Diana picks up the phone and dials some number, and sits on the couch, laughing and talking. Walker lumbers in from the garage and washes up in the kitchen. He walks up the stairs as the water turns off. Five minutes later, it’s on again.

I put my book down and stretch. Placing the book mark in the right spot, I wave to Mom, I mean Mrs. Hanson, and walk down the stairs.

Curling up in bed, I yawn once, turn on my CD player, and fall asleep.

You know there’s nothing like being woken up by being jumped on. It either makes you smile, or completely ruins your day. Usually being woken up at all ruins my day, but for this, I guess I make exceptions, he’s too cute. Mackie sits on the end of my bed, grinning up at me deviously. He pulls at my covers.

“Get up!! Come on, come on, come on!!” he giggles.

I hate kids. No, I don’t, but I barely survived in a family of three kids. If I were Ike, I’d have disowned them, all of them. But not being related, I loved the family, even when the first thing I feel in the morning is a pounce.

I yawn, stretch, and tell Mackie to “get out, sweetie, I have to get dressed.”

I change, and walk slowly up the stairs. Everyone has eaten breakfast, and Zac is already outside. Tay’s reading the same magazine from yesterday morning, and I don’t know where anyone else is. There’s a scream from the back yard. Jessica’s with Zac.

I lean over Tay’s shoulder, reading a column on the band Aerosmith. Old, but classic. Gotta love Steven Tyler’s wardrobe. Though personally I don’t have the cojones to go out in public in half those outfits. Still, it makes wonderful impressions and gets the crowd going. That’s what live shows are about, right? Just like Taylor and those damn tight little t-shirts. Yup, you know the ones.

Taylor lifts his head so our faces are side by side. My breath catches, but not loud enough for him to notice. Resisting urges, I continue to read. Finally, I eat breakfast and go downstairs to practice.

Glancing at the clock hours later, I put down the lyrics I began to write and head up stairs for dinner.

Tay sits down next to me. He plays with the chicken on his plate. If Diana wasn’t in the room I’d have asked if his mother had ever told him not to play with his food.

After eating way too much chicken, we all sort of retire to various locations. I sit in front of the computer and check my email, Schubie, Sarah from England, my friends from CT, and other people that are strictly internet acquaintances have filled up both my Yahoo! and Hotmail boxes. Bobbi writes about Dee, her two year boyfriend and asks how life in “the heart land, hint hint wink wink nudge nudge” is going. Errrrr.

After replying to several emails and checking on a few sites, I retire from the net just in time to see Tay sitting on the stairs with a phone to his ear. I just roll my eyes. He looks kind of disappointed. Oh goodie. I hope she dumped him. Woops I didn’t say it, honest.

He looks up at me as he hangs up the phone. “Sar’s grounded, she got into a fight with her father and she can’t go out for two weeks,” he sounds disgruntled, so I try to hide the joy in my eyes. A fight with her dad, eh? Daddy probably wouldn’t give “angel” his credit card. Sob! Maybe I should stop being so mean. Maybe.

I tried to think of something to say, “two weeks isn’t all that long,” is all I could think of. He just shrugs, sighs, and replies “I guess you’re right. I’ll live.” He gets up and turns to go up to his bedroom. I turn to go down to mine. What a boring uneventful day.

Settling down on the cot that wasn’t quite a cot, I guess it’s a trundle bed, kind of like Zac’s, I write another entry in the journal-notebook about the past two days, boating, and Sarah’s groundation. And then, I go to bed.

Tossing and turning, the warm summer night air drifting into my room, I can’t sleep. I want to go outside and walk in the moon lit. Ech, romantic. But the night is sweet, scents of flowers and grasses and summer flow from the open window. I get out of bed, straiten my boxers and T-shirt, and bounce up the stairs. That’s what you get for doing nothing all day. You get to stay up all night.

I walk into the kitchen, more because the living room is too empty than for any other reason. I find Tay sitting at the table, though he’s not reading that magazine any more. He hasn’t heard me enter, but as I walk to the refrigerator, the movement catches his eye. “What are you doing up here?” he asks quietly.

“I couldn’t sleep. And it’s nice out, so I had to get out of bed. No use just sitting there if you’re not sleeping.” I answer. He nods.

“Why are you up here?” I ask.

“I couldn’t sleep. Too many thoughts going through my head.” he replies. I see the open pad in front of him, the pen in his hand. Lyrics. I’ve walked in on the master at work. But I want to ask what kind of thoughts, what’s wrong, and I want to spill out everything to him, but I won’t. I wouldn’t if Sarah had never existed. I’ve always had problems with that. It’s never really been a necessity to get over them, either.

I sigh, softly, and sit down next to him with a glass of milk. I sit and stare at it. He looks up at me and the look on his face says “are you go to drink that, or examine it?”

Looking back at him I raise the cup to my lips. He smiles, and jots a few things down on the pad he has in front of him. He sighs, and closes the notebook. He looks up at me and asks, “well, what now?”

I look up, almost startled by the question, you ignore me for weeks because of your idiot girlfriend and now, in the middle of the night, you ask what now? Boys, they never ever made any sense to me.

I shrug. “I don’t know. Let’s watch a movie,” had I had the liberty to, I’d have added “and not pay attention to it,” but I left that part out.

“Sure, what movie? and we have to keep the volume down.” he walks carefully out into the still living room.

“How about...Interview with the Vampire?” one of my favorite movies.

“Yes!” he grabs the tape from the shelf and clicks on the TV and VCR, and rewinds it.

He settles on the couch next to me as the tape begins. Quoting young Claudia, I say at the same time as the actress, Christen Dunst, on screen, “Rats? when did you eat rats, Louie?”

Taylor, taking up the part of Brad Pitt as Louie, replies, “It was a long time ago, before you were born. And I don’t recommend them, ech!”

We both crack up. Until Claudia and Madeline (name sound familiar?) are burned in the light of the sun and the mournful Louie continues alone. As the end of the movie comes, and the interviewer is driving down the highway listening to the tape of the distraught Louie, Lestat moans in disgust,

“Louie, Louie, Louie,” Taylor and I quote in unision, ”still whining, Louie!.” He then leans over and addresses the driver, “I will give you the choice I never had...”

We laugh. Something hits me, a realization. I’m sitting on the couch. In the middle of the night. Next to Taylor. This looks bad. Oh well. They know it’s not. I wish it was. I resist hitting myself in the head. Then he’ll know something’s wrong with me.

I get up. He gets up. He just looks me in the eye, nods, and heads up stairs. He gets to the bottom step and turns around, flashes a smile, and walks up to bed.

Words often aren’t needed with me for things such as hello and good bye, just a simple look is good enough, and sometimes more meaningful, sometimes less painful for the good byes, than words. I sigh and walk down stairs.
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