It’s morning, already. Diana questions everyone at the breakfast table on why the TV is on. Oops. Taylor and I just shoot a glance at each other over our cereal bowls. That voice in the back of my mind, the one that says the things you know too well and those that you don’t want to admit, is screaming yes! Is it sane to tell yourself to shut up? Bowls and spoons are thrown into the sink and everyone scatters. Ike, Zac, and Tay go out to rollerblade down to the Lazer Quest on Sheridan Drive, and Jessica bikes over to a friend’s house. Avery walks up to me and asks me to read to her from Walker’s big book of Fairy Tales. I open it up to my favorite, “East of the Sun and West of the Moon.” Mackie curls up next to me, Avery’s on my other side, and Zoe sits next to Mackie. I was read to up until I was twelve, just because I liked to hear it instead of having to read it. Zac was the one in charge of bedtimes stories, him and sometimes Ike that added their flexible voices to the charters. At noon the boys are back and we all gather around the table for lunch. The rest of the day is a haze of reading, going out side with Jessie to pick wild flowers, sitting drinking iced tea with Zac on the porch swing, and talking with Taylor. Dinner comes, goes, and then desert comes and goes, as does “bedtime.” Tomorrow comes, and I’m awake and playing catch with Mackie and Avery in the back yard when Zac runs up.

“There’s a dance, Moll, at the hall this weekend. They have dances there all summer, one each month. Ike and I are trying to talk Tay into going even though Sarah’s grounded...” he smiles slyly, “willing to help?”

I just stand there. What is he up to this time? I have a feeling it’s not just breaking his brother up with Sarah. “Don’t look at me that way, Zachary, I’m not going with Taylor.”

“Not go with him! Just dance with him. Come on, I know it’s not like you’re going to hate doing this. And we’re getting Viv, too, so that he’ll have a bunch of old friends and girls, other than Sarah, to dance with.” he replies, matter of factly.

I hate dances. If there’s any places that I dislike, it’s parties and hospitals. This isn’t really a party, but still...but it would be so good for Taylor, he loves getting down, as his father says, and dancing. Hmm...But why me?? I knew the answer to that question.

“Zac, why do I think it’s not just helping him that you’re up to?” I ask.

“Well, if I could get two things done at once, why not? Kill to slugs...I mean...birds, with one stone.” I’m pretty sure the slug comment was directed at Sarah and his brother, but the rest of it I’m not giving up on.

“Wait, I get the Sarah part, what’s the second, um, slug?” do I want the answer? noo...yes.

“The best way to get him to dump her, would be to find him a better girl, and get him “reconciled” with his friends. The friends part I’ve gotten down, even though I had to talk Chris into it, and bribe Ben. All I needed was the girl part.” he just grins.

“Sorry, Zac, you know just as well as I do that he’s not interested.” I am not liking this conversation.

“Do I now? How do you know what I know? Even you have to admit you two have always been flirting, since that first night at McDonald’s!! And friendships can develop to be more, and even if you two don’t go out, I have to get rid of this girl!!!”

Tay walks out. “What are you yelling about, Zachary?” He looks at Tay, then at me, smiles, and says, “nothin’.”

Mackie grins and opens his mouth. OH no. I look at Mackie, scares silly at what he just might say. I know most people would finally tell, because it’s too hard to hold in, but you should know by now that I am not most people. He looks back at me and laughs.

“I’m not going to tell him that! Tay, can you play catch with me? Molly stopped cos she had to talk to Zac about something special, I think, so will you play with me?” He looks up at his older brother.

“Sure Mack,” he looks at Zac, then at me. Yeah I know you want to know what we said, but I ain’t telling you, nyah nyah!! I’m so mature. He takes the ball and throws to Mackie, who makes a great dive for it.

“Anyway,” Zac says, turning back to me, “I know you don’t like parties, but it’s a dance, and it’s summer, and I know you really do like to dance. It’s not, if I can help it, going to turn out like most dances do when you do something other than dance.”

The usual depressed ragged endings of the school dance stories where friends fight, people break up, and it’s hell unless all you do is dance, that’s how it was at Wamogo, always. But at the dances during the summer was when people were asked out, friends had nights that revived everything, and it was great. I bet you it’s because we don’t have school then, that’s it I tell you.

“Okay, I’ll go. So you want me and Viv, Krish and Zam to be there, Rick, Ben, you, Ike, Chris?” I list off the friends he’s mentioned and the ones I assume can come.

“Yup! You and Viv especially, because you’ll enjoy it and therefore be better at it,” I glare at him, “and then Rick and everyone so they can talk about music, life, bitchy girlfriends,” he throws in.

I turn around and have the urge to sing. Hey, it happens to us musicians often. The words to “Dying to be Alive,” pour from my mouth with a lot more force than I intended. “We’re all on the ground, crying out, ‘won’t somebody save me, please?’ I won’t sit around thinkin’ about the trouble that tomorrow brings, I’m dying to be alive, yeah,” I sing.

Tay turns around, “That sounded good! Are you going to do one of ours as a cover?”

Since getting to Tulsa, I’ve been playing my bass with Viv on guitar, Rick on the drums, and Zam on the keys, with a reserved spot for Bobbi on rhythm guitar. I don’t know if you could call us a band, because I don’t know if I’ll be staying in Tulsa, but we’ve done a few songs.

“Sure, we’ll glorify your name by deeming you worth covering,” I laugh.

He just grins and shakes his head. “You? glory? naw.”

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?? ”I ask.

“Just that if someone compliments you, you say thanks, if someone makes a big deal, you’ll smile. But if you get to the point of glory, you’ll be like, ‘um, I don’t think so...’” He teases. He’s right, but hey, no use getting big headed about something. Isn’t that the point?

“So,” I say, deciding to take this upon myself, seeing as I’ve never done anything brave having to do with guys and feeling that it’s about time, “you coming to the dance this weekend?”

He laughs, “I was going to go with Sarah, but she’s grounded so I don’t know.”

He laughed, woah. “Well, go with Viv, or Zam, or, Rick!” hey, I was not going to include myself in this list.

He looks up when I say Rick. “Um, I think I’ll skip on the Rick thing, but since everyone’s been asking me, I guess I’ll go. Sarah will be pissed that I went somewhere without her but...”

“She’ll get over it.” I finish.

“Yeah,” he nods, not too happily.

Taken by my anger, or maybe frustration, I look up at him. God I hate being short. “Don’t sit at home and waste to nothing because your little girly can’t always be with you.” It sounds sharp, even to me, but I don’t take it back.

“I know.” he looks up, a little hurt. ‘Truth hurts’...but then again, ‘the truth is only what you believe it to be.’ Proverbs have a way of contradicting themselves. “But, it would be nice if she could come.”

Has he lost all of his self confidence?? Aye-yae-yae, what are we going to do with you? I ask to myself as I look up at him. I’m so damn short, but then, being five three does have it’s advantages.

“Yeah, I guess it would be, but Tay, I know you’re sick of all these accusations. I’m just saying that it’s nice to have you alone once in a while.” Do not cry, do not cry. To him; don’t get mad, listen, please! Of course, I’d never beg him out loud.

“Okay,” he looks at me, “I’ll go.”

He hugs me. I did not expect that. I hug him back. He looks me strait in the eye, close enough that I could just...Wake up, Molly, no time to day dream! He studies me, like he’s looking for something behind my eyes.

“What?” I ask. The desire to kiss him is getting too bad, if he doesn’t move I may just do it. I’m not impulsive, but if the opportunity is there long enough and it’s something I want...well, I’ll take it. So he’d better get his face away from mine. He moves just before it would have driven me insane. I think he found whatever it was he was looking for, whatever was in my eyes. We had to do a description about someone’s eyes in English last year. Mine took up a page, on his. Sad, huh?

I follow him inside. What day is it? You never know during the summer. I walk into the kitchen and look at the calendar. It’s got to be the Thursday, and it’s July. The Fourth of July was fun. Tulsa’s fireworks are better than anything we have in New England. We’d all sat on the grass in the park, like I was just another sister. It was warm and I felt like a part of the family. Maybe a daughter in law...hmm. It was two weeks after I’d gotten there, and I’d met Sarah the week before, and didn’t like her. Funny how much my intuition tells me about people that just turns out to be true. I wore ear plugs. Loud noises, other than music, have always annoyed me, I’d like to keep my ear drums some what intact. Dinner is served, stir fry! We eat and talk. After washing up, I drag Zac into the living room and play twenty questions about the dance. Finally he challenges me to a round of racing, the only video game I was good at until I got here, then I had to learn fast. I win, and then beat Avery, but Jess beats me and I’m out of the running. Two days until this stupid dance. I walk downstairs and look into my closet. What in here would I wear to a dance? I brought summer clothing, not dance wear. It’s not formal, but it’s not come in with cut off’s and T-shirts with a alligator holding up a sign saying “Come on in, the water’s fine!” Zac when I asked what kind of dance it would be. Good. If it had been a formal I wouldn’t have gone. And what’s wrong with my T-shirt?? Looking through the button up, short sleeved over shirts, the T-shirts, the long sleeved shirts, for something flashy, but not rocker style. Hard to find in my wardrobe, especially when half of it’s at home. I pull out an array of my favorite outfits. A black dress shirt, black pants, slightly flared, and a black corset top with red embroidery completes the first, but I don’t think you could dance too well in a corset, even if it’s not a real one. A tighish, see through shirt with India designs and a lace undershirt, my favorite wide-legs jeans, a pair of black shorts, a black shirt, another black shirt, and an assortment of other articles of clothing, lie on my bed. This is so stupid, I murmur to myself. I pick out a black cut off Tee that reaches just above my belly button, the jeans, and a dark red button-up shirt. Jewelry. I’m getting way too into this. I should just put all my clothing back and sit down. You’re acting like such a teeny, Mel! I think to myself. None the less, I put my necklace, three gem flowers with red petals and black eyes held by a small dark chain, around the hanger. My chain drive wallet sits on my dresser. I only wear it when I’m going out. Some people say the chains are just to play with, but I say it’s so no one takes your wallet, and besides, I think it looks cool. Alright, I’ve got my clothing set, now I can clam down and just wait. Ha-Ha. I write another verse of the song I started the day before and set down my pad and pen, and turn the CD player on, turning up the volume on “In The City.” Finally Diana comes down and says good night. At home I was ‘checked on’ before going to sleep, but Diana actually tucked you in. It was something that, being Miss Inverted, I had to get used to. After lunch the next day, Zac and I start down to my room. He sees the outfit hanging on the closet door.

“All ready?” he asks, grinning.

I shoot him a look, “yeah I’m ready.”

He looks up at me, “I’m sorry, Molly. I didn’t mean it as a bad thing, I...I don’t know. Sorry.” He looks a little upset.

“It’s okay, Zac. Don’t worry about it, but I’m not letting myself get wrapped up in this. I’m just not.”

He looks at the floor. “Well maybe you should.”

I just shake my head. No way, Zac. Not this time. I pick up various things and place them where ever they belong. He looks at the ground. What does he want? Does he, for some reason, want to see me dressed up, hopelessly romantic over his brother? Or does he just want me to be excited and try to win him over simply because it would get rid of Sarah?

He looks up at me. “You are so hard to get through to.” he looks angry.

I look back at him. Excuse me? Hard to get through to?? “What the hell is that supposed to mean, Zac? What are you trying to get through?” I throw back at him.

“You’re so...I don’t know!! You don’t let yourself get caught up in the moment, or let yourself think, even for a minute, that for once, things may go right. You’re so pessimistic!!” he glares at me.

“So? So I don’t exactly look on the sunny side. So I prepare for the worst, what the hell is so bad?”

“You prepare for the worst, but you don’t even hope for the best!!”

I sneer at him, “Zac, what is hope going to do? You can make hope, but you can’t make love. I could hope all I wanted and it would just hurt more in the end.”

“Mol-lee!!” obviously there’s something he thinks I just do not understand. “Hope may not get you there on it’s own, but it helps give you the strength to get there on your own. You can’t just sit here!”

“I’m not sitting here!! I’m going to this stupid dance, and...and trying to talk to him, while everyone else but Rick, and you, has just given up. You know when the TV was on?? We stayed up until four to watch Interview with the Vampire. Just because I don’t expect anything doesn’t mean I’m not hopeful!!”

“Well then,” quietly, “why don’t you act it? Why do you always turn away? What happened?”

Damnit Zac. Love sucks. End of story. What more do you want from me? Do you want me to break down and cry? There’s no sob story that I’m going to pour out, no memories you don’t already know filled with happiness and heartache. No way! Quoting what I think is the show Roswell, I continue, “’Have you ever had a moment when you’re with the one person in the world you want to be with and the wind is blowing through your hair and the song that just describes your entire soul happens to come on, and then the other person that you want to be with happens to love the same song and suddenly you realize you’re listening to it together?’” He sighs. I continue,

“’And that no matter how crazy your life has gotten, there’s this one moment...this perfect moment....where you could just say that no matter what happens, nothing can take this moment away from me...and then, something does?’”

He just nods. His strong, toned drummer’s arms wrap around me and hold me close. Zac is one of the only people that has made me feel beyond secure, he made feels safe. I bury my face in his hair and just hug back. Diana calls down, we go up, we eat dinner. Zac and I just look at each other across the table. After dinner, we sit down to watch “Mulan.” Yes, I do mean the Disney movie. One good thing about big families, you have to be mature without growing up too fast. I wake up at ten the next day. I crawl up the stairs and pour myself a bowl of cerial. Looking around the kitchen while eating, I glance at the calendar. On it, in bright red felt tip, and in Zac’s handwriting, it says,

“DANCE.” Oh yippee. It starts at seven tonight and lasts until ten. There’s a hall down the street, it’s actually supposed to be part of the school, but in the summer it’s used for dances, meetings, and what not. Tay walks in the back door with a big smile on his face. “Well,” I put a spoon of Cheerios in my mouth, “you look happy.”

He grins, and replies, “Don’t talk with your mouth open!”

I just shake my head and try not to laugh and choke on my Cheerios.

After swallowing, “So what’s making you smile this early?”

Tay’s not a morning person, but he’s better than I am. But then, so is almost everyone.

“Am I not allowed to smile?” he asks, his tone makes it a rhetorical question, but his eyes hold a hint of seriousness.

“Oh, yeah, but usually something triggers it.” I leave out the ‘you haven’t been this happy since you started getting serious about Sarah’ part. He stretches. One of these days I’m going to snap and either ask him not to do that in front of me, or run out of the room. No, there is no third alternative. Trust me, I’m just as disappointed as you are.

He looks over at me, “Well I don’t know. I played tag with Avery, Zoe and Mackie. Ike’s helping me fix my bike later, and the dance is tonight, so I’ll get to see everyone, almost.” Sarah does not deserve an “almost.” Anyone worth talking to with half a brain that doesn’t have their head...anyway...

“Well I’m glad you’re excited about it.” I snort.

“Oh, come on. You are coming, aren’t you?” I nod.

“Don’t be such a stick in the mud.”

We used to say ‘stick in the cow shit,’ but heck, we also called our school Cow Pie High. Yes, I am a nature lover, and I work with animals. No, I am not an aggie who wears suspenders and tracks animal dung onto the shag carpets. Not to be offensive, just a statement.

“I’m not a stick in the mud. I’m just not a ‘party person.’ I like to dance. Alone. In my living room, with the windows covered.”

Ike walks in, “naked?”

“No.”

“Damn.”

“Go find Stephanie.”

“Okay.”

Stephanie, Ike’s girlfriend of three years, nice girl. She can be a dizz ball, but you’ve got to love her.

Ike walks out and Tay grins. “It’s not really a party. Just dance, don’t worry about what other people say, copy Viv or me.”

He offered to let me watch and learn from his dancing. Easier said than done. I watch and learn nothing but that girls are lucky they can hid such things.

“I’m going, just don’t expect me to dance my shoes off.” I say, looking up from a bowl of now very soggy little O’s.

“We’ll see.” he says, and winks. “There’s going to be a lot of us there, and you’ve got to dance with everyone at least once.”

“Since when?” I ask. Never heard such a rule. If I had, I’d have broken it.

“Since everyone’s gonna want to dance anyway, it’s only fair to take turns and etc.”

“Uh-huh. I’m not dancing with everyone. You, Ben, Rick, Chris, Todd, Zac, yeah all fine and dandy. But there’s no way I’m dancing with Dave or any one else.”

Dave. Stupid bastard. One of the only friends Tay has I can say I dislike. Severely.

He laughs. “Dave probably won’t even be there. He’ll be too busy behind the school drunk or something.”

Ike dislikes Dave as much as I do, if not more. He’d told me the story about Taylor’s first experience high. Dave had been with him, at a party with his friends. Tay was the only one I know there, and he’d gotten stoned. Dave was also there the first of Taylor’s misadventures involving alcohol. I’ve done all that too, but I’ve never seen anyone as proud of getting drunk and getting someone else toasted with them as Dave is. See why I don’t have a liking for him?

“Good riddance. I hope he gets sick and vomits on himself and can’t make it home. What a dog.” I don’t condone torture, but neither do I condone stupidity where it is rather permanent.

“Yeah,” he sighs, “he can really dirty a party.” Well that’s one way of putting it. After lunch, Viv, Zam, Zac’s girlfriend Kirshie, and Stephanie come over to get ready here, and Zac, Tay, and the guys meet over at Rick’s. Viv comes at me with an eye liner.

“Get away from me!!” I scream, running into the bathroom.

Pulling on the deep, bright red shirt over the black cut off and putting on my shoes, I venture back out. Standing in front of the mirror, I pull a brush through my long red hair. Waist length hair is a pain in the ass to take care of, and it takes two bottles of hair dye. I like it anyway.

I put on lipstick, a light purple-red, and a lip gloss over it. I hate the taste of lipstick and go for Bonne Bell, Jane, and Street Wear. More kid oriented, but at least it doesn’t taste like chalk. I put on “Shoutin’ Sugar,” (I do not understand people’s urge to buy things with labels such as Tootie Fruity.) Next is the CKbe. Tay and I may wear the same stuff, but it smells distinct on everyone. I’ve always liked it, but smelling it on him is a whole different story. Viv’s wearing a just-below-knee length black skirt and a blue top, Zam is dressed in black, from her dancing shoes, imitation leather pants, to the fitted shirt. Krish is dressed in a white shirt with a black vest, and tight black jeans. We line up in front of the door, ready to face the night.

Diana drives us to the hall, and we’re all standing in the door way when the guys pull up. Ike’s driving his own car he proudly got last year, and it’s sporty, just large enough for the party of males that spill out the doors. There’s too many people to keep track of. While waiting for the guys to arrive, I’ve talked to Gabe, the “head” of the Rialroad, and his grilfriend Astrid. Shaggy, who could have been Taylor’s identical twin had his eyes not been green and his hair not been longer. When Taylor cut his hair, Shaggy; who’d earned the name Shaggy by having his hair cut always with a knife not scissors, kept his long. For the first time in what I’m told was four years, it was easy to tell them apart. Marco, Andy from the store, Shaggy waltz sacrastically around the dance floor in each others arms, cheered on by a clapping Gabriel and giggling Astrid.

Ike walks in, dragging Zac in a head lock, followed by the rest of the gang. At first I wasn’t sure who was who’s friend, but after a while I realized it didn’t really matter. As Zac is let out of his brother’s hold, he is whisked out on to the dance floor by Marco. It’s not the most reassuring thing to see two couples of boys doing the cha-cha in circles, but if you knew them, you couldn’t expect anything less attention getting. We laugh as they wirl and twirl each other. Then the music starts.

The DJ begins with the dance version of a new Backstreet Boys song, the boys moan, the girls cheer, and both start to jam. If that’s what you could call it.
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Chapter 5
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